Goat Gland Science

2 Pages 514 Words

GOAT-GLAND SCIENCE

The amazing events that I’m writing about in this article would never have occurred if John R. Brinkley hadn’t received a mail order medical degree in 1917 and obtained a job as the company doctor at the Swift Meatpacking Company in Kansas. While working at the meat packing plant, Brinkley was intrigued that goats destined for the slaughterhouse vigorously mated.

A few years later, Brinkley set up a private practice in the small hamlet of Milford, Kansas. One day a farmer came in to Brinkley’s office complaining of a sagging libido. Recalling the frantic antics of the goats at the slaughterhouse, Dr. Brinkley suggested to the farmer that what he needed was a goat gland transplant.

It should be noted that previously Brinkley had been a snake oil salesman selling injections of colored distilled water at $25.00 a shot purported to increase vitality. Being the unethical person he was and with a wobbly knowledge of medicine, Brinkley implanted a bit of goat gonad into the farmer’s testicle. Shortly thereafter, the farmer’s wife became pregnant followed by the birth a baby boy whom the couple appropriately named “Billy”.

Word spread of the success of the goat-gland transplant and the doctor soon had a flood of patients from around the world. Brinkley charged $750.00 per transplant, a large sum of money during the depression. In all he performed over 16,000 goat-gland transplants making him a wealthy man.

Very few people who had the operation complained that it didn’t work because Brinkley explained that the operation only worked on intelligent people. There were a few problems. For example, when Brinkley switched from Toggenbergs to Angoras a patient sued. The patient didn’t sue because the operation didn’t work but because afterward he “smelled so bad.” Brinkley switched back to Toggenbergs. As many as 40 goats a day were shipped to the clinic.

With the profits Bri...