Family Systems Theory

10 Pages 2458 Words

ay, “I feel like going for a walk”, while the other says, “I feel like going shopping” and for each to do different things and, at least once in a while, for that to be perfectly ok. Differentiation is the ability to maintain a firm ground; to have a well-concrete identity while involving emotionally with others. David Schnarch, a clinical psychologist, author of the book, Constructing the Sexual Crucible: An Integration of Sexual and Marital Therapy, advocates the significant aspect in maintaining sexual passion in a long-term relationship is the ability to be oneself while emotionally involved with other person. . Well-differentiated individuals can be themselves when they are with others, and can accept others being themselves. Differentiation refers to the foundation of development of an individual.
Differentiation is neither the remedy to relationship intricacies nor the medicine for anxiety. Differentiation is the key between the relationships of the rational system to the emotional system. Anxiety tolerance is the goal. Anxiety is neither inescapable nor is it undeserving. We feed off anxiety—it helps us maintain homeostasis. However, when anxiety seems to overwhelm, even the well-differentiated person, a reality check, or a reflection must happen to move towards normality. Mack experienced this when his car broke down in a crime-infested part of town, and Simon was his rescuer. Mack also encountered a change when he ended ties, sexually, with Dee. To avoid anxiety of an intimate relationship only causes unwanted or non productive anxiety. “One of the central dilemmas of sexual partnerships is that the more important a relationship becomes, the more difficult it is to sustain passion. This is so because the tension between closeness and intimacy becomes increasingly profound. The paradox of closeness and intimacy is that the only way to really have either is to be willing at times to sacrifice closen...