Suicide

2 Pages 445 Words

I wrote this poem at what I would call my weakest and lowest point in life. At the point in my life where the end justified the means. I believed that everyone around me would be better off if I wasn’t around. Suicide during this time seemed so peaceful. No worries-no bills to pay, child to feed and most of all no disappointments. I had enough disappointment, more than the average person could stand. I watched as everything I loved had been stripped away from me, systematically. I had people whispering in my ear; they’re with GOD and pray. In the back of my mind, I was thinking pray for what. He is not listening, if he was I still have what I cared about most. Then there was the people who told me suicide was a cowardly and selfish. My response was it would take a lot of courage to leave all that I have and as far as me being selfish; now is the time to do something for me. Looking back I can’t imagine wanting to end my life but nonetheless suicide for me was and is a reality.
The reality is that there are many women my age, ethnicity and social status who contemplate suicide. During the time this poem was written I was screaming and crying for help. Surprisingly nothing in my life was that bad. However, I was a single parent, working forty hours per week, attending school thirty hours a week and nursing a twisted romance. I am certain that some or one of these factors contributed to my suicidal behavior. Life for me was okay but I still felt very empty, unfulfilled and thirsty. Thirsty for the dream society had promised me and my family had prepared me for. The white picket fence, two kids, the dog, a satisfying career and a husband. As far as I was concerned I had done everything right and I deserved the Black American dream. That dream was not reality and because I was not able to live up to other people expectations of who or what I was suppose to be I was depressed. Depressed to the point of needing medical attention and me...